As much as I longed for an opportunity to have a voice online, to communicate and exchange ideas with my readers – it just wasn’t happening. Many of you abhor the fact that I’ve been absent, and for that I apologize.

The reality of the situation is that I’ve got better things to tend to. The web is still important to me…but this website – not so much. I contemplated on what I’d do with this site and the best thing for me to do is to let it go. It expires in early July anyway, thus if I put anymore time into this site it would be for nothing because I don’t have the means to re-new the domain, plus the person who purchased the domain has disappeared off of the face of the Earth. How this website is still online, I have no clue. I don’t know where Jenn went and she hasn’t replied to my e-mails.

I’ll be back…somewhere. New name, new place, new ideas. Blogging is inevitable for me, just at this point in time it’s not so “me.” The good bloggers have fled the scene or leaving just as I am. I kind have no point here….

But like I said, I’ll be back. Maybe sooner than you think. You just need to keep an open eye for the name Jay. I miss you all already!

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“It was meant to be” — “Everything happens for a reason”

The two above quotes are two statements that I hear quite often. Sometimes, even I say them unknowingly, or at least I draw several conclusions and use those statements to justify certain actions or outcomes. But are they true?

Honestly, I think not. After having a brief conversation with a friend of mine, the conversation ended with him saying something about his life story and how the way he was feeling was “already planned” – or something along those lines. No, I’m in no way a religious person, but I am aware that some religions suggests that your life and the things that occur in it were pre-planned.

I can’t seem to find the logic in such statements. Hearing them, I immediately began to ask myself several questions like the ones below:

If a person kills someone, why do we punish him or her? – If such an event was “meant to be” then is the person who committed the brutal crime really responsible? Should he/she be punished?

Often times when you end a relationship with a loved one, when someone dies, or even when you fail a test. Does you really believe that the outcome of the situations happened for a reason?

I personally believe that our lives are relatively unscripted. While I do believe in having a destiny; what happens between being born and obtaining that destiny is totally up to you. The choices we make and how we go about situations are the ingredients to our life, and unlike a real recipe (in the literal sense), we add ingredients as we go. The achievements, the downfalls, the heartbreaks and the moments of sadness that can be surmised after our death are the product of our life’s recipe.

The idea of the purpose of events goes way deeper than experiencing a situation, then reflecting about why it happened. I think as human beings and being apart of complex environments, after having done something we immediately try to find reason to absolve and legitimize behavior. Typically, when we fail to come up with a sufficient reason, we readily accept that it was just meant to be. Whatever happened to thinking rational or simply accepting the idea of cause and effect? When someone says your name, your have an unconscious response. Therefore, the next time you assess an outcome – try to remember what YOU did to inhibit the result(s).

It all comes down to the unexplainable. When we go so deep as to events that not even science can explain, we should simply accept that fact that we’ve yet to find an answer rather than generalizing and saying that something happened just because.

Thisfiasco is not the same. There are no more resources, wordpress themes, or any other tangible visitor content. So many websites offer them, so me getting rid of them isn’t the end of anyone’s life. Besides, before tossing them, they haven’t been updated since 2008. Not like you’re missing anything that you couldn’t have gotten by now.

But anyway, what’s in store for the new and possibly improved TF?

Video blogs are coming!

Yep, that’s right — I will finally be posting videos of myself talking about whatever. It’s going to be a challenge for me to overcoming my insecurities, but it’s what my new tag line demands. “Developing a mentality to face reality.” I want to be real, and be ashamed of my speech, looks and presence coming off as something I’m not is not how you guys should know me. I want you to know me. Hiding behind the screen should not be an aspect of a “personal blog” so expect me to get more personal.

The depths of my soul exposed

Previously, I’ve held back to what I wanted to write. Reading my archived post, I concluded that my blogs were a bit “robotic.” School had seemed to be the topic of most of my entries and I got bored reading my own writing, so I could only imagine to those who actually had the energy to read what I’ve written. From now on, I’ll be the blunt, sarcastic, outspoken nerd that I truly am. I would say that discretion is advised – but that would ruin all the fun.

Visitor interaction

Although this is MY blog – I still want my readers to know that this website, figuratively, could be their “second home” too. I will try to make the site itself more user friendly. Visitors will soon be able to interact and discuss whatever – in reference to what I endow. You may be thinking “discussion board!” Well, sure – but it’ll go beyond that. The site is aiming to be a universal place on the web, where everyone and anyone can have some input on my antics. This should be fun.

Passion for fashion

While this idea is still debatable, you can look forward to my “fashion sense.” I’m currently prepping a clothing line, and besides sharing my vision, looks of what I wear and my perception of ‘a good look’ will be shown in it’s very own section of the site. “Hot or not” “I would wear this!” and “That’s just not cute” are intended sub categories of this precedent. Do you like this idea?

To my nerdies, bookworms and weirdos

The Notebook section will be heavily updated. Read my poems, articles, quotes and finally: stories! Coming soon is an online series that will be sure to keep you in front of the screen waiting for the next post. This here is what I look forward to most because it involves what I do best: writing!

So that’s just a gist of some of the directions TF will be going. I’m excited and hopefully ThisFiasco can have another good year as it had in 2008. Feedback is appreciated, and I’m open to suggestions as well. The nerd has returned!

It’s finally over! Semester number one went by fast, but the last few days were so long and sluggish. I worked super hard the past few days and my final exams I rate like a 6.5/10. Hopefully I come out with all A’s this semester. I won’t find those grades out until January. I don’t really want to talk about school anymore. Break has begun and I will use all this time to catch up on a social life, SLEEP and of course my baby ThisFiasco.

I began drafting designs for the new layout. I don’t want to have this Christmas theme up when January comes because Christmas will be done and over with. I consider next month MY month due to my birthday being January 21st. So for the new layout it’ll probably feature me~ In addition to a new layout, some stuff will no longer exist. I’m minimizing the site down a great deal because I realized that I haven’t really done anything since 2008 besides wordpress themes. So when 2010 comes, Thisfiasco will not be the same.

Christmas is in..6 days? I swear to you just yesterday was the beginning of 2009, and yet now it’s almost over. I’m about to be a senior and 17 years old. Life is just rushing by and coming so quick, it’s kind of scary.

For Christmas, I really only want an iPod Touch, some gift cards to my favorite stores, a cardigan and new digital camera. I don’t really expect much of Christmas anymore… it’s just another day. I don’t see why we pick certain days out the year to splurge on gifts anyway. After Christmas everybody is there usual old self and could give a damn about the next person. Give something everyday, or at least be appreciative of the things you get year round….

But anyway, I hope everyone has a good Christmas, and New Year. I may be blogging again before then.

What do you want for Christmas?

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I started reading around 7:30 PM yesterday and finished at exactly 12:00 PM today. 15 and 1/2 hours is by far the fastest I have read any book in my life. I had read most of the Twilight books within a day’s time, but I read this one in less than a day! I know it was much shorter than Twilight books, but these chapters were very very long and it was not a “story” it was REAL information about history, yet bored I was not.

So go me! Time to do that report though…which now is what I’m dreading. I’m feeling motivated though, and quite frankly I just want to get it all over with so I can study for my French final exam and do my make up work for AP Psych.

I shall put my all into the work that remains. We’ll celebrate here on Thisfiasco with something new. A tutorial, a new pre-made theme, whatever you wish just let me know.

Until then… I have work to do!

I am consistent though, with always being last minute (although this time it’s not exactly my fault) and rushing to get something done dreading the possibility if I don’t finish.

I got a book today. I will be reading it until the sun comes up, and I will be up again until the sun comes up doing the “scholarly report.” Kill me now and on my grave stone engrave the words “A Trier” because gosh darn it I do try…yet I always come up short.

Real blogs will come soon. Let’s just hope they arrive before the year end. Until then, help me develop a way to KILL school. It should totally die. Who’s with me?

I’m a little annoyed. Remember the book project I mentioned here? Well I started on like Tuesday last week reading a book, and then I switched my book because it was beyond boring. The new one I started reading: “American Nightmare: The History of Jim Crow” was really good and I’ve been reading it every chance I get. Today in class, I find out that the book I’m reading is not sufficient because we’ve yet to cover the topic I’m reading about!

Are you freaking kidding me?!

The teacher was never clear stating that the topic is something we’ve covered, he simply said “Pick a topic and/or event out of your textbook.” So that’s what I did.

Long story short, the assignment is due Monday. So that means I have to find a book, read it and do the “scholarly report” which, I might add is not your typical book report. Teachers really annoy me sometimes. So the rest of this week and the weekend, I’ll be consumed into whatever book I find, which sucks.

On top of that, I have to finish and study my Pre-Cal/Trig study guide, take a test in AP US History (the teacher mentioned class), finish literature and AP Psychology make up work, and study for exams in all six classes. Saturday’s all state audition I just can’t do…I wasn’t ready anyways.

When I’m not busy, I’ll write something that has purpose. In the mean time, wish me luck.

The morning started off a bit bitter for me, seeing that I was late arriving to the school receiving calls from the club’s vice president, “Jerrel where are you?! We’re ready to leave and I really don’t want you to miss out on this opportunity. Are you coming?”

Of course I was coming, I paid my money and could not let a day away from home escape my fingertips because a day away from home is just far too good to pass up…that in itself is another story, but you get the picture.

Eventually, I get to the school only to find out there are just six of us going on the club, four of them I barely even know or talk to. At that moment I already determined that the trip itself would be quite interesting.
One of the people going didn’t make it to the school on time, so we had to leave him, and he eventually arrived in Athens by having someone drive him the whole 2.5 hours – he clearly didn’t want to waste the money he’d paid either. I know that’s right.

Anyway, skip to the fun. There were a lot of kids there, after all our State does have the largest FBLA chapter in America so that was expected. I saw nice people, odd people, weird people, and some I just could not categorize, but that’s just how that goes no matter where you go. At first, I was a bit apprehensive about the whole thing, but as the actual conference began and the workshops and everything it was actually a lot of fun.

My little shy self actually spoke to some people I didn’t know and some spoke to me. Most of them spoke to me to tell me “Omgshhh, yur hairr is sooo prettttty!” I found that funny…but hey it got conversation going.

There was a monopoly tournament, and our chapter played against another chapter. We won by thousands of dollars and yeah…we’re cool. The school we played against was really cool and funny and that just goes to show that not all Georgia kids are boring…yay?

When we walked around downtown Athens to find a place to eat, it was very pretty. Athens is a college town so there were a lot of people walking and the college colors and mascots everywhere. At night, you better believe that there were tons of parties going on at all the little restaurants and stuff. The trees and stuff were decorated and I managed to snap a picture with my phone walking back to our hotel:

Athens, GA at night.

Getting back to the hotel, our advisor was like “Guys, I wanted to seal the door, but it locks from the inside.” DUHHHHHHHH! It is a hotel, of course it locks from the inside. He was an old guy…so old that using the digital camera he asked “Where do I wind it up?” XD We’re clearly in 2009, almost 2010 there is no winding….

He went to sleep pretty quick so the girls came over and we had fun. Talked about the school, jobs watched youtube videos, listened to music and of course had a pillow fight. Yeah, the six of us who don’t even hang out with each other normally in school had a blast and all had become quite closer of the trip. Thing will be different from now on and I’m awaiting to see what the Regional conference will be like. Competitions and regional officer elections which I’ll be running for a position. That’s in February so until then… that was my experience!

I’m a little late getting the layout up…obviously. When school started back there was just no time for the computer, and I haven’t even really been home this week…. but better late than never right? I’m feeling kind of pressured right now, but it’s okay – I think. Final exams are coming up and I’m dreading the thought of bubbling in answers when Test day comes.

I had to stay after school everyday this week and have just been busy busy busy. Getting ready for a band Christmas concert in just a few days, getting my AP project together, preparing for All State auditions, and trying to manage school clubs can be a bit overwhelming. Today, at school I was a little “blah” because I was exhausted from late nights and thinking too much about things so I’m just going to try and calm down this weekend and meticulously prepare for finals.

I thank all of your for commenting on the last post. I think like that quite often and will now post more of my inner thoughts because they have seemed to touch a lot of you. I love inspirational writing and can literally type on different subjects all day. I kind of have this goal of having a book published before I’m 30. We’ll see how that goes so don’t forget my name.

Tomorrow is no school for me. I’m in a club called FBLA (Future Business Leaders of America) and we’re taking a trip to Athens, Georgia for a conference. We get to stay there over night (returning Saturday) so I’m quite interested to see how that will go. I’ll definitely be blogging about it…that is if it’s an interesting experience.

In the mean time, feedback on the layout is appreciated!