What’s Your Reason? Jan 20, 2010
Don’t feel like reading? Let me read this blog to you.
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“It was meant to be” — “Everything happens for a reason”
The two above quotes are two statements that I hear quite often. Sometimes, even I say them unknowingly, or at least I draw several conclusions and use those statements to justify certain actions or outcomes. But are they true?
Honestly, I think not. After having a brief conversation with a friend of mine, the conversation ended with him saying something about his life story and how the way he was feeling was “already planned” – or something along those lines. No, I’m in no way a religious person, but I am aware that some religions suggests that your life and the things that occur in it were pre-planned.
I can’t seem to find the logic in such statements. Hearing them, I immediately began to ask myself several questions like the ones below:
If a person kills someone, why do we punish him or her? – If such an event was “meant to be” then is the person who committed the brutal crime really responsible? Should he/she be punished?
Often times when you end a relationship with a loved one, when someone dies, or even when you fail a test. Does you really believe that the outcome of the situations happened for a reason?
I personally believe that our lives are relatively unscripted. While I do believe in having a destiny; what happens between being born and obtaining that destiny is totally up to you. The choices we make and how we go about situations are the ingredients to our life, and unlike a real recipe (in the literal sense), we add ingredients as we go. The achievements, the downfalls, the heartbreaks and the moments of sadness that can be surmised after our death are the product of our life’s recipe.
The idea of the purpose of events goes way deeper than experiencing a situation, then reflecting about why it happened. I think as human beings and being apart of complex environments, after having done something we immediately try to find reason to absolve and legitimize behavior. Typically, when we fail to come up with a sufficient reason, we readily accept that it was just meant to be. Whatever happened to thinking rational or simply accepting the idea of cause and effect? When someone says your name, your have an unconscious response. Therefore, the next time you assess an outcome – try to remember what YOU did to inhibit the result(s).
It all comes down to the unexplainable. When we go so deep as to events that not even science can explain, we should simply accept that fact that we’ve yet to find an answer rather than generalizing and saying that something happened just because.
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January 20th, 2010
I really understand what you’re saying. I use the two sayings a lot as well. For instance, in my religion they believe that everything that happens in your life is pre-planned. At times I believe in it and other times I don’t. My parents are a firm believer that what happens in our lifetime are pre-planned. No one can prove everything happens for a reason and when you consider some of the truly terrible things that happen to people, it sometimes seems almost rude to even suggest it. I believe that people are responsible for their course of actions and what happens in their lives. I think that we shape our own destiny. I guess it’s simpler to say it was meant to be than to find the answers . Everyone will have their own opinions on this.
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January 20th, 2010
Now that’s a thought. I definitely feel you on everything you said. I definitely go for the religious aspect and do believe things happen for a reason…its crazy to actually sit back and see if your life has been pre-planned. I try to find justification in everything that happens even if for the time being I have to leave the answer ‘just because’ …nice audio too, good to hear the words..I got a better understanding.
-DRE
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January 20th, 2010
I agree.
Though, it seems that I’ve found myself in another one of those undesirous predicaments where one does things simply because it’s the norm and not actually what one believes.
Ever since that whole religion thing was ruled out for me, I’ve never been too much of a fan of those “predestined”, “meant to be”, and “for a reason” substantiations. After the fact, I can now admit to saying such things only because I really had nothing else better to say, because it sounded nice, or because I just didn’t feel up to genuine rationalization.
I do not personally believe that all things occur with a predestined purpose acting as some type of invisible hand guiding their courses of action, but I do believe that from every situation, especially the unfavorable or negative, that there is always something to be gained, whether obscure or apparent. I think that religions attempt to capture this methodology within their own philosophies by claiming that some “higher being” is the source and explanation of all things.
].
And for me, it is kinda hard to keep relying, or understanding how others rely, on these same theories and philosophies that science continues to replace, and readily so. For, it seems that the human mind relies more readily on fact than fiction. [hmmm
lol I know I just made SOMEONE upset.
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January 20th, 2010
Andddd.. about this audio!
It would be more effective and authentic if you sounded like you were talking to us, like a conversation, rather than simply reading an essay, like a presentation.
Your tone is very impersonal.. lol anyone who’s heard your voice before can audiate your reading;
but not your conversation!
Though, even so, the lisp still gives me a grin larger than life.
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January 20th, 2010
Haha your voice is definitely different that I expected, lmao. I expected it to be deeper or some ish. AND you sound like you’re from the South a bit, hahaha in some places. But thanks for the audio, it made me understand the blog more. Its pretty deep (emotionally), I honestly don’t know what to comment on it about… good blog I guess.
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January 21st, 2010
I’m a firm believer in “everything happens for a reason” and I also believe that everyone has a fate and/or destiny. I believe that our destinies and fates are pre-chosen for us. The way we get there is up to us, we choose our own paths. If someone committed a brutal crime, it was the choice they made, but the victim’s fate, nonetheless. I agree, as humans we try to pick behaviors apart and rationalize them or find meaning to why they occurred. It’s inevitable that some things are just not explained, or maybe we’re just not seeing things clearly sometimes. I think that everything can be explained but maybe it’s set in such a way that gives life mystery. I don’t think we’re meant to know everything, what fun would life be if we did?
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January 21st, 2010
I really don’t know what I believe in anymore…
It’s hard for me to fathom there being a destiny. A destiny is predetermined, so regardless of the choices you make in life, you’ll end up at that destination (whatever it may be). What’s the point of making choices if things are already predetermined? There’s no point in doing ANYTHING if your life is already planned for you, essentially. The only way I could even wrap my mind around there being a destiny is if it’s something that can be unfulfilled… that could explain why we have choices. But if you don’t fulfill your destiny does that mean your destiny was to not fulfill your destiny? Confusing stuff.
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January 21st, 2010
happy birthday, jay!
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January 22nd, 2010
Jay, this blog is fantastic. And the fact you’ve read it to me makes it all the more interesting. VERY good work. I totally agree with what you’re saying, here.
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January 23rd, 2010
Oh hey there! I appreciate your comment (: I apologize for my late reply -I’ve been a little busy with exams and today was a friend’s birthday party, so I couldn’t return comments earlier.
First, I would like to say thank you for your compliment(s). You’re quite handsome, I must say.
I’m more committed to becoming successful than I was when I entered high school, so I hope things go well too. ><
*Now re-lated to your blog*
I talked to people about that saying before, except, I made a horrible example by using a pencil falling off the table. LOL, Fail.
I really like how you read your own blog for people who were too lazy to read. I am one of those people -xDD, so thank you! I wanted to make a little podcast for my blogs, but I never got to it. Laziness takes over me :/
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January 24th, 2010
Thanks for the comment!
& Thanks for reading the blog to me! Haha, it was nice, I’m lazy you see and can’t be bothered to read so that was pretty cool. Great job!
I think that things happen because thats destiny I guess.. I guess it kinda sucks having your life drawn out for you..I don’t think it’s like that though, I think that the choices you make open a new door to something esle if that makes sense.
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January 24th, 2010
First of all, happy belated birthday, and thanks for the such nice comment on my site
To me, if this makes sense, destiny is the outcome of the events you choose. Now, there are things in life that are pre-planed, such as your parents, siblings, etc. But life depends on your opinion…do you go out with this one girl or do you not? Whether people know it or not, that simple opinion can affect your whole life’s outcome.
What I’m trying to say is that you have so many open doors, but each door you choose can open new doors. I’m gonna make a saying right here….”For every door you go through in life, ten more open” -Shane.
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January 25th, 2010
@Shane, I agree with that quote 100%. I don’t think people realize that the smallest thing could be a big part of their life in the long run. With that being said, I think it’s important that we are careful when we make decisions and also try to think about how such a decision can affect our future.
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January 27th, 2010
I really like this blog, very interesting and it really gets people thinking.
At times I guess I can admit that I think “things happen for a reason” or that something “wasn’t meant to be”. For instance, if a person were to go to school to become a Doctor; things didn’t work out and they failed pretty much (sure, studying could have prevented this) but maybe they weren’t meant to be a doctor.. I don’t know. I don’t believe that our lives are planned out or anything like that, like you said, it’s up to you to decide where you go in life, and what you do in life.
I like the example you used about killing a person, it was “meant to be”. Very good argument there!
I also like the idea of you reading the blog, haha! It’s convenient and fun following along
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January 27th, 2010
Wow, I never looked at things the way that you just explain here. I am one of those people who seem to believe that ‘everything happens for a reason’ but now you have brought a whole different point to sure. I’m changing my mindset. I don’t believe EVERYTHING happens for a reason but I do believe that some things do. Like you said, the things we do make up the ingredients in our life and make us the person that we set out to be. Our lives are unscripted..I am a Christian but I don’t believe that God has everything that we do in life planned out for us because we make our own decisions and of course deal with the consequences. I believe this because if the bible says we shouldn’t kill and people do it anyway…then wouldn’t that be hypocritical maybe? If that’s the right word.
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Your comment put the BIGGEST smile on my face. For some reason, it just made me feel loved. Your absolutely right though, I have too much to be thankful for. I am a very bright and intelligent girl, at least that’s what I like to think. I shouldn’t let other get in the way and making me feel like doing nothing more but giving up. I try to walk around with my head high but at times it gets hard. I feel like there’s really no one in the world that I can talk to, share my thoughts and feelings without them making me feel bad about myself. I feel uncared for, unloved at times and sometimes I just break down and cry. I wish I could find a person that I could go to and listen but I may not ever will
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January 28th, 2010
I’m religious, and I agree: “While I do believe in having a destiny; what happens between being born and obtaining that destiny is totally up to you.” – I feel that God let’s us make our own choices, which is how we get all the evil people of the world, because that’s how we’re free. I know that sounds cheesy, lmao xD
Some things that happen though, you wonder why? Why do people die young of illnesses? Why do people get cancer? And in that case I used the phrase: “everything happens for a reason…”, like the bible says, “Jesus said: ‘You do not realize now what I am doing, but later you will understand.’”.
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January 28th, 2010
@Catherine, @Catherine, I really love that quote. But when exactly is “later” and if you die, how are you to find out?
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February 1st, 2010
@Jay, Later is when you die and go to heaven
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February 1st, 2010
@Catherine, lol duhh, i knew that!!
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January 28th, 2010
omg best friend i loved that
&` you reading it ahaha . dopeee
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January 28th, 2010
@Byron Brown, Lmao, thank you
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January 28th, 2010
“While I do believe in having a destiny; what happens between being born and obtaining that destiny is totally up to you.”
^ That sentence definately says it right there! I don’t think certain events in your life were pre-planned, it’s all in the choices you make.
You made an error here … “When someone says your name, your have an unconscious…
(j/s lolz)
Anyways. I think that there are some things in life that are actually meant to be like miscarriages, death (especially from an unpreventable disease, plus if it’s your time it just is – aside from suicide)…things of that nature, natural disasters, birth defects (whether the parent was healthy or not)…just things of that nature. So, some things we just have to accept. But let’s say you have a future, you want to go to college, have a good paying job after and have a family. Well, you can’t do that if you never go to class, you’re smoking pot, partying, and that’s all you ever do, that right there is planning for a messed up future <– now that isn't meant to be, YOU made those choices.
Good post Jay!
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January 28th, 2010
I was about to go into a long rant about my beliefs but i’m glad I read shannons response first. I agree with her lol
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January 29th, 2010
I definitely agree with you. It’s part of human nature to generalize about the unknown. Once something is put into a catagory, it’s much easier to understand. I think that’s something we as human beings must fight against if we ever want to go further in science or anything for that matter. Great blog!
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January 31st, 2010
I love love love this entry! I believe take on the same mentality as well. One thing that does get to me is when someone does say “maybe it was meant to be” when in reality, you have control over everything. I think maybe it’s the times when you don’t control the situation when things seem to fall into place on their own and you are always left thinking what happened? The real question should be why did I allow it to in my opinion.
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February 2nd, 2010
Jay, I first want to applaud you on your mad writing and reciting! You are very talented and mature for your age, and being an English major, it was a pleasure reading a blog that wasn’t revolved around “so, there’s this boy, and he’s really cute…” I have always believed in fate, and that things happen for a reason. Which is weird, considering the things I’ve been through in my life (my dad dies when I was 7, my best friend drowned when I was 8, one grandma died the day after my 19th birthday, the other died almost a year later on Valentine’s Day, and another best friend died in a motorcycle accident only 3 weeks after my first grandma died. My mom had a nervous breakdown last year and nearly killed herself as a result of being haunted by a tragic and horrific childhood). Despite all the death, pain, and drama I’ve experienced, I still feel there is some higher being/reason behind all of it. I can’t honestly explain why I feel that way, but I just do. I always have those “what if” moments, like what if my dad hadn’t have died, and what if my best friend hadn’t have drowned? Would my life be better? Worse? Sometimes I feel like I am cursed– like this shadow of death follows me. But then other times I feel that I am blessed, when I see all that I have and that I’ve accomplished despite all of those things. I agree with you when you said that you believe in destiny, but that it is ultimately up to us to make our own decisions. It’s like the story of the road less traveled. We always have another option, and another outcome, but it is up to us to discover which path is the right path. And if we choose the wrong one and stumble along the way, there’s sure to be a detour somewhere down the line. I believe we all have a final destiny, but it’s up to us to find the right way there.
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February 6th, 2010
I totally agree with you, but I do believe that sometimes, it’s true… Some things (not all) do happen for a reason, and it’s often explained later on in life. But I think it’s different for every person :S
Interesting discussion Jay, you always give great points
Peace.
PS: Love the new theme!
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February 7th, 2010
I agree! Yesterday when I posted the tweet, “I don’t believe in everything happens for a reason… the everything part throws me off, maybe somethings but I just cant except everything”, I was watching one of those St. Jude’s programming and thought to myself ……… Those kids did not deserve that. If everything happened for a reason then what was the reason for them to getting the disease, they weren’t bad kids, nor outrageous sinners, and they probably hasn’t fucked up society just like everybody. Then I started to think maybe god did that so that they could affect the people around them like such as family, friends, and strangers. Well I dislike the whole bringing up religion thing, but some part of me has to think about that.
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