I haven’t posted a “down” blog in a while. Tried not to…but I must. Venting, for a lot of us, including myself is sometimes the best way to come back to a state of mind that is at least “livable,” or in other words – able to help us make it through yet another day because truthfully, sometimes I rather not see tomorrow come because that would only mean that I’d have to live through what makes me happy for yet another day. I’m a great person…I really am sure of it – so when something happens to me that brings me to this state of mind I’m only able to question “Why me?” The bad part about asking such a question is that no one can answer that question. In the event that this does take place, I’m immediately able to conclude that Life has no favorites, and that even when you do good, you better still expect and prepare for the worse.

I’m on edge every day all day, so it only take something so small to bring about tears or unhappiness. My head hurts all the time, but you could never know it, even if you’d stared at me long enough to realize it. I’ve mastered the facade of happiness and leisure-like behaviors. I’ve mastered being able to laugh, even though I’d rather cry. You see, someone like me, after having through so much for so long you learn to “cover up” and thus live amongst those who are believing that everything is okay. It’ not…

But in the end I deal. I think the only thing that gets me through the day is school, believe it or not. My crave for success and knowledge is my drive. There is not a person in the world that can tell me otherwise, and in reality, there is not a person in the world that I’m living for…at least not anymore. Now it’ just me. I have my eye on a goal and that’s the only thing I can see or wish to see. That goal keeps me sane. Nothing else. Power is in the eye of my determination, and I’ll use that as my fuel for making it through yet another day. I’ll continue to do so because I know that one day MY DAY will come, and for once I’ll be able to take my knowledge, my determination, and my love for being loved – sit back, relax and just be glad that I’ve escaped this unwanted state of mind.

I’ll be one of those to say I did it …. without your help.